Monday, December 8, 2008

Praying for a Miracle!

Okay, I have a lot of pictures and nice things I wanted to post. But before I do, I wantd to give you an update on my pregnancy. It's long, but I hope you'll read along.

Since I found out I was pregnant, I spotted daily but not much to talk about. What has occured since I will discuss, but is only for motherly eyes...

Last Friday Tom and I dropped the kids off at my parents while we attended Tom's work Appreciation Dinner. We ate, laughed, and danced a lot. The next morning, on the feast of St. Nicholas, we went to the Stearns Electric Co Christmas Party complete with Santa, reindeer ride, music and snacks. We had a fabulous time. Mikayla decided to ask Santa for ...not toys... but that our baby be healthy. What an angel she is!

When I got home I really had to pee, and found a large clot. I immediately freaked out and didn't go to the bathroom - being haunted by the fact of my first two miscarriages which were flushed down the toilet before i knew what was going on. I called the nurse, who urged me to go to the ER to be checked out. Since we needed a sitter, we had to announce our pregnancy to Tom's mother in this way. Where just an hour before we had invited them over for dinner to make the announcement.

So we rush to the ER, I am of course bawling my eyes out and waiting forever. From Noon to 6pm I was poked and proded more than ever before. Blood test first, then rolled me down to Ultra Sound. Where my bladder was so full some 3 hours after I had to go, and they needed a clean sample, so they come in with a catheder and lets say there was a big mess which was a very humiliating experience. (We all laughed later.) Finally - the transabdominal ultrasound showed no heartbeat for a 6wk 3 day old pregnancy. It appeared as if I was only 5 weeks aprx. I told them I chart NFP, so I know my conception date well, and 1-2 weeks difference doesn't make any sense to me. [I even checked when I got home.] They said it really is too early to tell anything, so there is no difinitive answer at this time. But the good news was the baby was in the uterus where it should be, and looked great for 4-5 wks. For now, we will have to rely solely on the BETA Hcg tests and pelvic exam. And most of all, have hope.

Okay, to prolong the sorrow and confusion longer.... the test came back at 1200-something, which is in the good range for 6 weeks, and my cervix is closed. And what about the clot? This means that the clot probably formed before my cervix closed, just letting loose from my dancing? and the pregnancy is possibly viable. The only way to tell now is to watch my Hcg levels. But I'd have to wait til monday.

I cried the entire weekend. Unable to get over-excited either way.


So here we are at Monday - the feast of the IMMACULATE CONCEPTION. We have called out the prayer line, begging for a miracle. I wait not 1 but 2 hours to hear anything from today's test. I resolve that I cannot just sit around waiting, so I begin to pray the rosary on my fingers while hugging a pillow and watching my kids tear apart the house and my hubby laying sick on the couch.

When I finish the first decade, the phone rings! My hcg numbers doubled to 2500! This is good news. They will need to retest on Wednesday to make sure they continue upward - and we are leaning more hopeful on this miracle. For a 6 wk, we need that number to jump significantly- from what I understand. Here's a chart I just found...



What are normal hCG levels?
hCG levels during pregnancy
(in weeks since last menstrual period)
3 weeks LMP 5 - 50 mIU/ml
4 weeks LMP 5 - 426 mIU/ml
5 weeks LMP 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml
6 weeks LMP 1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
7 - 8 weeks LMP 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
9 - 12 weeks LMP 25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml

Hormones
Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) levels can have quite a bit of variance at this point. Anything from 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml is considered normal at 5 weeks. Once the levels have reached at least 2000, some type of development is expected to be seen in the uterus using high resolution vaginal ultrasound. If using a transabdominal ultrasound, some type of development should be seen when the hCG level has reached 3600 mIU/ml. Although development may be seen earlier, these levels provide a guide of when something is expected to be seen.




So perhaps they couldn't see anything because the hcg wasn't high enough, but still good enough to maintain a viable pregnancy.


I am completely confused and in awe of God's mysteries of life. What does all this mean? If this pregnancy, this baby, survives... it must be a miracle, as all babies are. A God willed pregnancy. And if for some reason, this baby needs to join my other two in Heaven, I will still be grateful for the gift he gave us. Also, I believe I've cried and prayed so much, I am ready to accept this possiblity.

The interesting thing about all of this... if it hadn't been for that clot, I would not have had all these worries. So really, what is all that about? A test of my faith? My head hurts so much from trying to rationally analyze all of this, it just seems easier to accept it as God's way and nothing more. Maybe that is what God wanted in the first place... is for me to just TRUST HIM.


PLEASE PRAY FOR US > PRAY FOR A LITTLE MIRACLE!

God Bless you and yours!

5 comments:

  1. Oh, sweetie. Hang in there. You are doing the right thing - you need to know medical stuff, but really hold tight to the Blessed Mother. I'll keep you all in my prayers - as usual. God bless you.

    In Christ through Mary
    Sarah

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  2. I offered my Mass for you tonight Melissa. Keep praying.

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  3. I will be praying for you Melissa.

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  4. I read this TODAY right before reading your post. They connect for me and hope they do for you as well.

    "Just as she did in the case of St. Juan Diego, the Blessed Mother places you too on her back and carries you through your life as someone defeated by your own pride. While carrying you on her back, she unceasingly adores her Son, Jesus Christ, your Savior who constantly blesses both her and you whom she carries as her beloved child."



    (The Two Pillars, pg. 37)

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  5. God Bless you all for taking the time to read and comment. I am still in a nervous state, but I am trying to stay positive and keep up with every day things. Last night's mass was such a refresher, and of course they talked about pregnancy and motherhood - which got me all teary.

    Thank you all from the bottom of my heart - and from my family.

    Love,
    Melissa

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Thank you for reading about our family. I look forwards to sharing ideas, joys and struggles. God Bless you in your journey!

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