Planting Mustard Seeds
Sometimes we lose touch with our vocations. Instead, we're trying so hard to be everything to everyone. We can seem untouchable to those we know by trying to do and be it all. It's exhausting and filled with disappointment. A priest once advised me I needed to lower my expectations to find happiness and contentment. It really opened my eyes to what my life should be, instead of what I wanted it to become. I finally realized that I wasn't a failure if let go of some activities, expectations of others, and desire for admiration. Love, Humility, Charity, Peace, Joy - these became my new inspirations. When I took it down a few notches, I could more easily connect with others. I found friendships that nurtured this way of life.
Life is full of imperfections, and it's okay to embrace it. God wants us to be real, approachable, available. We can minister to others best when we first humble ourselves, educate ourselves in the faith, learn how to communicate the faith, and exude love and hope in our words and actions. What better way to practice this that within our homes.
How often I forget to live my own words and create balance in my daily activities. I have a strong desire to teach and participate, a full calendar, a long list of projects and activities, and plenty of ideas always brewing. Yet my personality is anxious, overwhelmed, fearful, concerned, agitated.
I homeschool and care for our large family of infants to teenagers. Looking back over 12 years of homeschooling and 16 years of motherhood, it's worked well for us by the grace of God. I've instilled in my children a love for learning, including about our Catholic faith. Over time, my children have become more independent learners and help out quite a bit in the home.
Occasionally in my anxiety, I mistake their independence as not needing me anymore. I slack in engaging myself in their lessons, and fade out of the room into my tasks or pleasures. If I'm not aware, it can hook me in and we all begin to lose focus. I forget that my presence is what gets the books off the shelf and into their hands. I forget that the younger kids will pretend to work until I hear the giggles and find them in their rooms playing. I forget that when I'm absorbed into my online evangelization efforts, my social media support groups, organizing our schedule, or watching educational videos, that they only see me bring inattentive to them.
The solution is to prioritize our time on the computer and phone. Another solution is to show them how this time builds us up to support them. I believe older children would benefit from being read the articles aloud, hear what we've been writing to inspire others, and see the videos that make us laugh, cry or take action. Talk to them about the good and bad that comes from technology. Show them how as an adult, we can responsibly utilize technology to bring Christ to others, as well as good information into our minds. Let them see how you edit before you post. Show them where it takes courage to speak up. Educate them how to write effectively, and point everything back to God in scripture, prayer, tradition, action and kindness. Be an example of how to live out what you preach.
It's amazing how time online can affect my behavior. I have got in my own way, chosen unfavorable words, spoke admirably and forgot to live it out, and have often responded unlovingly or impatient. I might ignore, snap back, or get too busy to recognize the needs of my family. I'll get wrapped up in my freshly typed out lists, not noticing that everyone is burnt out. Thank the Holy Spirit for coming to me with some subtle, some strong, reminders to refresh our souls in some way. To remind me that the world can wait. The online troll doesn't need my input, I don't need to attend, someone else can lead, the chores can wait... that my first vocation is to nuture my family. I realize how much in my life I can do without, and will go on fine without me.
God has deeply instilled in my heart that my vocation is to be a mother and to evangelize. Listening to Him in Adoration has revealed that my first priority is to homeschool my children in order to instill a deep understanding of the Catholic Christian faith, and raise them to live it in all aspects of their life. Secondary to all that, is to share my understanding of the faith and how I live it with others. He constantly reminds me that my life is not my own, that I am here for my children and in turn they will help me grow in faith and holiness. I have to keep reminding myself of this priority, so i don't get caught up in the secondary efforts. Planting mustard seeds of faith can be enough. The greatest saints didn't inspire others through technology. There can be integration, if you keep focused on your calling.
